Some of the best and most productive times of my life are defined by failure. Soren Kierkegaard was quoted saying, "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." One of those times was about 23 years ago when I graduated from college. I had a son with a woman, that relationship didn't work out. I went to school for apparel design. It was awkward being one of the only guys in the major. Upon graduating I decided to stay in my own hometown and turn down an offer for employment in the twin cities. I wanted to stay in my own hometown and to be there for my son, friends, and family. I had recently decided to be ,"saved.", to let the living spirit of Jesus work in my life. So, on top of everything else I wanted to be there for my new family/fellowship. This seems like one of those times for me, like im starting over. What I have found is that it seems like it matters not just what you do, but how you do it, and why. Now I have a young family and we are trying to homeschool them on my one working class job income. I dont pretend to have everything figured out, but I propose that some of the best teachers are students themselves. I want to be educated, so please dont put up a wall, let us reason together.
The business model for this creative project is simple. I am starting operating at a loss, I am giving away the shop. This is not about me projecting my conciousness on you, or trying to gain followers. I have found that the curse of leading seems like you no longer have friends you only have followers and competitors. Will this survive? I don't know, I personally am out of time and money. I have struggled in how I think about this project, business - hobby - ministry. It seems dishonest to not disclose my intentions from the get go. On one side you might be hostile when I say anything about Jesus, because in 2019 spirtuality is strictly private. especially a deity that claims to be the "narrow way." If I truely believe he is this narrow way am I not a psychopath if I do not want to warn you about it? How much do you have to hate a person to say, "well thats on you, that is your fault for not having ears to hear."
In chess some people have a natural talent for it. Ive heard stories about a player that can play dozens of games, blindfolded, and win or draw most of them. That was not me, I had to lose, and lose, and lose. So what I have learned from chess is that failure can be an opportunity to grow, if you learn from failure. Life is like that. There can be a danger in suffering, it can make you cold, hard, and bitter. Some people can take glory in it and say "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." It seems the truth is that all these little games we play just amount to us, killing time before time kills us. A co-worker said trancendentalism is so 1970s I had enough back then, no thank you. So, I guess the discussion ends with the question. Do you see this life here and now as life, or life's waiting room?
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